Fear, to a great extent, is born
of a story we tell ourselves.
— Cheryl Strayed
If you are looking for a proven professional who can show you how to have fearless and effective talks about sexuality; what kids need to know at each age and stage; and how to become a trusted resource so your children see you as their first and best source of information, I’m your gal! I use humor and a healthy dose of well researched advice to help you wholeheartedly jump into the sex talks.
I am fiercely committed to guiding parents and other adults to become empowered to have regular, open and effective conversations about the birds and the bees with the kids they love. My goal is to help you raise up your children into healthy, happy and whole adults who understand and embrace their unique sexuality.
With over 10 years of experience working with amazing clients with similar worries and concerns and guiding them to achieve remarkable success, my mission and commitment is to change and challenge cultural beliefs about children and sexuality. I aim to do this by teaching adults the best and most effective ways to talk, learn and think about the birds and bees talks. I provide research based, high quality, keynotes, workshops, webinars, books and other tools for adults so they can be true champions for the kids they care for and love. I want every child to grow up knowing sexuality is a healthy, normal, positive and fun part of life that comes with great responsibility.
My path to become a sexuality educator became clear at an early age. One rainy afternoon at the tender age of nine, I was reading the “Stories For Free Children” in a stack of Ms. Magazines when I came across a photograph of a wife and mother named Gerri Santoro. She was dead on her hotel room floor — the victim of a botched illegal abortion. This horrifying and sad photograph made me an ardent fan of both birth control and planned pregnancy. By the time I reached my early twenties I spent my volunteer time as a sexual health educator and counselor. I was motivated to do anything I could to help other women avoid Gerri’s devastating fate.
Even though I spent over 16 years as a volunteer in this field and I loved sexual health, I could never figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. In 2000, I competed a Master’s degree in Adult Education from Bastyr University and the same spring I received my degree, I also got knocked up — not to worry, it was a planned pregnancy. I’d learned a thing or two over the years.
After my son was born and I was going stir crazy, I decided I needed to go back to work and I was lucky enough to land a great part-time job working as a sexual health counselor for Planned Parenthood in Seattle. It was while I was working at there that I finally got it — parents are doing a terrible job talking to their kids about sex.
This really hit home when I thought my son, who was four at the time, was going to tell me it felt good to touch his penis. I froze and had a mini-freak out before I managed to find out what was so interesting about his privates. He could “see the veins in there where the blood goes.” I was hugely relieved and totally stunned by my discomfort.
This was the pinnacle moment when I realized I was clueless, confused and needed some serious help in the sex talks department. And then I realized if I was confused and clueless, other parents who don’t love talking about sexuality were probably in worse shape than me.
In that moment, I decided I was the woman for the job. I knew I could combine my love of sex talk and my love of working with adults and teach parents of all beliefs how to have easy, open and effective conversations with our kids about sexuality, love and relationships. I started Birds + Bees + Kids in 2005 and have helped 1000’s of parents kick-ass when it comes to the sex talks. And I’ve helped hundreds of professionals who work with children keep the kids in their care safer from sexual abuse through keynotes and trainings about sexual behavior and development.
Clients and other folks say remarkable things about the impact my work has had on their lives and the lives of the children they care for and love.
I use the techniques I've learned from your workshops with my daughter, now 10, almost daily. She is so at ease and smart about her birds and bees info, it's just a normal part of life. Thanks!
I'm still so grateful for you coming to our preschool and opening my eyes, freaking me out and giving me confidence and at the same time making us all think critically and know our rationale for parenting choices. You are a fabulous presenter and I love what you are doing for so many children and their families. Thank You.
Amy Lang is a parent’s best-friend-with-benefits when it comes to the sex talks!
— Dan Savage, America’s Advice Columnist
Amy Lang makes talking about sex feel like talking about winning the lottery – there are a million wonderful things to do; a million awesome ways to have the conversation.
—Cheryl Murfin, Seattle's Child Magazine
We highly recommend Amy to anyone that has interactions with children. This would include parents, teachers, and youth based programs. Amy has a skill set that is very unique and it is obvious that she is a master in the field of sexuality in children. If you have not done this training with your organization, it is a must.
—Tanya Larkin, Regional Director of Early Learning & Child Care, Boys & Girls Clubs of King County
What lights me up about doing this work is knowing that I am impacting the lives so many kids and helping them grow up into whole, healthy and happy adults who are empowered to make great decisions about their sexual health.
What sets me apart from others in this field is that this is my exclusive area of expertise. Many how-to-talk-to-kids-about-sex experts have other gigs — they are teachers, therapists or psychologists and teach this topic as an add-on. Sexuality is not the central focus of their work. This, coupled with my background as an adult educator means three things:
You can feel confident engaging me to work with you or your organization. Over the years, my expertise has been honored with remarkable and notable accolades including three Mom’s Choice Gold Awards. My book for teens, Dating Smarts, was #1 and #2 in a parenting and a teen category in Kindle free books.
I have delighted and empowered audiences of all sizes from Seattle, WA to Kingsport, TN to Las Vegas, NV. A regular presenter at preschools and PTA meetings, I am a highly rated keynote and presenter at conferences like the Oregon Association For The Education Of Young Children and the Infant And Early Childhood Conference. I’ve helped 100’s of early childhood educators keep the children in their care safer from childhood sexual abuse.
My advice has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Salon.com, Huffington Post Live, CNN Health, Parent Map Magazine, Seattle’s Child Magazine, and on numerous radio shows and podcasts over the years.
In 2012 I co-founded MamaCon— a Pacific Northwest Conference for moms of kids 4 and older. Held the weekend after Mother’s Day, it’s a real celebration of motherhood, unlike that national holiday which seems to be less about moms and more about kids.
I have been married to my current husband (who I met in a tawdry gay bar, but that’s another story) for over 20 years and have lived in Seattle for all of my adult life. We are getting the hang of parenting a teenager and spend time dreaming of traveling the world on motorcycles.
Pop over to www.HowToTalkToKidsAboutSex.com and sign up to receive instant access to my award winning video, Birds + Bees + Kids - The Basics and to get my Tip ‘O The Week newsletter.
That’s easy — send me an email or give me a call! Amy@BirdsAndBeesAndKids.com or 206-661-2245
PS I love this quote and can’t resist sharing it:
“Why do people say ‘grow some balls?’ Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
— Betty White
The ‘birds and the bees’ talk for girls: tackling sex education early Dove Self-Esteem Project
What Schools Should Teach Kids About Sex The Atlantic, March 6, 2015
How To Talk To Your Daughter About Sex - Amy helps dads talk to daughters on Salon.com January 2015
Child therapists: Stop freaking out about Lena Dunham. Amy chimes in on Salon.com October 2014
Can reality TV really reduce teen pregnancy? NW Cable News, NW Families, January 2014
Amy on sex positive parenting. Huffington Post Live, 7/30/14
Never Too Soon to Have the Talk-- Seattle Times, 5/6/13
When Your Child Walks in During Sex -- CNN.com 4/24/13
Let's Talk About Sex on the Northwest Cable News Network - 6/13/12
Talking To Your Kids About Sex: What To Do And What To Avoid -- 8/29/11 on KUOW
Amy's fun and funny chat with The Marty Riemer Show!
Sex Talk: When and How to Educate Your Kids -- 4/29/12 MamiVerse.com
Amy is featured in the February 2012 Minnesota Parent magazine. Read the article.
Teen Coed Sleepovers: Totally Fine or Out of the Question? -- 10/23/11 Parent Map Magazine
Amy in the Wall Street Journal article "To Skip the 'Talk' About Sex, Have an Ongoing Dialogue". November 15, 2011.
Seattle's Child featured Amy in April 2010
“Your talk last night was very informative and thought provoking. It is clear that you have a passion for what you are doing and a deep respect for the job that parents are doing. That was very clear in the way you presented material and listened and answered questions. I especially appreciated the balance you struck between giving information and also letting people talk in small groups. I got to be part of a couple different groups and it is clear there is lots to process and to talk about. With three teenage daughters I know that everything you said last night was "right on." Early information is so important and sexuality/sex info is much easier to impart while kids are young. Thanks for coming and thanks for being such a wonderful, caring person.”
-Kathy Foster, Preschool teacher
“I've been to a lot of trainings with Childhaven and this was by far the best! Thank you.”
“Amy has great information to help get us past our inhibitions for our kids' sake”
“By the way, my husband had his first conversation with our daughter about penises when she said, "Daddy, what's that thing in front of you?" I was proud of him because he said he swallowed and said, "It's my penis" in a natural voice (well, kind of natural) and it sparked a whole conversation about who has penises and who doesn't. He said it's thanks to the coaching I did with him that he was able to say the word penis without embarrassment -- which means it came straight from you. So thanks so much!!!”
“I wanted to share with you how relevant and timely I found the session you gave recently. After that session, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up several of the books you recommended. I've slowly been reading them to my 7-year and 3.5 year olds. It also gave me an opportunity to reopen the discussion regarding 'your body belongs to you, only you touch it,' and 'that sort of touching is for adults,' etc. Well, low and behold this last Saturday, completely out of the blue, my 7 year old turned to me and mentioned that a boy on the school bus had been touching her 'private parts'. We had a good conversation about it. I steeled up my courage, reminded myself of some of the scripts you mentioned during the class, and called the mother. Turns out the boy had been acting out recently and this was not the first time.
Long story short, I'm really grateful to have attended your class and applied it. It gave me necessary tools to communicate with my daughter and ensure she knew how to protect herself.”