Buzz

Remember when your babies were newborns and you had that moment of “what on earth am I doing with a BABY?! What was I thinking?! I don’t have a clue what to do with this little human!?” 

Well, NBC is filming it all – freakouts, tears, panic, joy and relief – as six teenaged couples tackle parenting with borrowed babies in the new reality TV show The Baby Borrowers. These couples are all 18 and older, so they are barely teenagers and in established relationships with their partners.

The babies – the poor babies – have been loaned by willing parents who can watch the happenings from live video feed in a neighboring house. I’m not entirely clear why anyone would loan their baby to strangers, but these folks did.

My colleagues at the National Parent Education Network are understandably very worried about these babies being cared for by strangers (don’t worry, there’s an unfamiliar “professional nanny” lurking in the back ground and the parents can come intervene at a moment’s notice). And the babies are very distressed, there is no doubt about that.

I wonder if the ends justify the means.

Most of the teens think they can handle the rigors of a baby. They are excited to try practice parenting and are looking forward to feeling closer to their partners and exploring what it might be like “someday” with their own babies.

Interestingly, some of the teens fall apart within the first 24-48 hours before the baby shows up. Once the baby makes the scene all of the couples are clearly under duress – they really don’t know what they are doing – and any cockiness has completely disappeared.

“Parenting” is clearly way more difficult than these kids had imagined and by the time the babies are put to bed – most asleep in their care givers arms – the teens have had it.

They are exhausted, punchy, crabby and stressed. I’d bet every one of them would give it up and go back to their real lives in a heartbeat.

They’ve had the babies for 12 hours.

This show is a walking, talking teachable moment. Any parent who has kids 12 and older should watch at least one episode so their kids can see what it’s like to be fully responsible for a baby.

Then, as a family, a conversation should follow about what their kids’ plans for the future hold, what their goals are and how they can make their dreams happen.

Anyone can make a baby. It takes significantly more work to be a parent.

I was wondering where he stood on sex education and now I know! He's all for kids having medically accurate, comprehensive sexuality edcuation from an early age. Ahhh...reason.

Read more here...

http://www.siecus.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Feature.showFeature&CategoryID=34&FeatureID=1149

What alarming news out of Massachusetts today - 17 pregnant teen-aged girls at one high school.

Half of the pregnancies were intentional.

Even more alarming was the interview with the principal. His theory is that these girls don’t see any future for themselves, so they get pregnant so they will have something to do and feel important.

I feel for these girls, who don’t have the support to make better decisions for themselves.  When I listened to the Principal I had to wonder – isn’t it part of the schools’ job to help these girls find something to give their lives meaning?

I realize the school isn’t wholly responsible for these girls’ lives, but they do have the opportunity to help them see more for their futures, which can include parenting, but shouldn’t be the first thing on the list.

I worry that Jamie Lynn Spears and the movie Juno have glamorized teen pregnancy and make it seem like a reasonable life choice. Media makes it look so easy and when parents are able to give their girls what they need in terms of self esteem and sound decision making skills, it’s not surprising choosing to have a baby seems like a good idea.

We chose not to circumcise Milo and since the other penis at our house is circumcised, we didn't really know what to do with Milo's tinkle-waggle! Now we know, thanks to this great and helpful website for parents of boys!

http://www.babyboy.info/parents.html

"Intact? Don't retract!" Sums up their advice.

I just watched Dr. Phil and he was hosting his pal, John Chirban, PhD, who was there help parents talk to kids about my favorite topic.  He was promoting Dr. Chirban’s new book, What’s Love Got to Do with IT? Yet another book about how to talk to kids about sex.

I suspect this one may be a winner – but am concerned because, I think he doesn’t recommend talking about penetration until kids are 10 to 12.

They might be scared by the idea if they learn about it sooner, rather than later. At least this is what Dr. Phil says on his website and I’m thinking he’s probably pretty well informed by Dr. Chirban.

I think they will have already learned about or at least heard of it from their peers at this point. I’m sure I did, in fact I know I knew about it because I’ve known since age 4 or 5 and it didn’t scare me until I was faced with the actual act!

I am tempted to quiz my poor guinea pig, Milo and ask him what he thinks about penetration. He has never, ever said anything to me that makes me think he’s scared by this idea.

In fact, it’s such a small part of the whole baby making process, I’m not even sure it’s registered.

For a kid who knows about condoms (and yes, people have been teasing me about this), I should probably make sure he really “gets” the whole deal.

Or not.

Is it fair to blog using someone else's blog? Even someone you love and want to grow up to be like? Don't know.

But read this and let me know if you don't just die laughing.

Potty talk taken to a whole new level...

http://wondertime.go.com/parent-to-parent/blogs/catherine-newman-blog/05052008.html

Practicing what I preach                

On Friday, while heading home from REI, Milo and I were listening to the 5:20 Funny on KMTT. He really likes listening to the comedians, even if he only understands about 30% of what they talk about.

Sometimes, he has questions about the jokes, but most of the time he just listens and laughs and that’s about it.

Friday, the comedian was talking about sex, much of it bleeped out, but not the word “condom.” 

I was thinking Milo might ask what a condom is, and he did, but not until the guy mentioned they come in different colors and flavors!

“What is a condom?” came piping up over my seat.

I had to laugh.

I’ve been using telling your seven year old what a condom is as an example of something that might be a bit too much information for his age, but won’t really cause any psychological damage.

So, I told him.

And I have to tell, you, all my practice explaining to you all how to explain to your kids what a condom is paid off.

Remember, my guy knows that sometimes people have make love or have sex because it feels good to their grown up bodies.

I was calm, cool and collected. I told him what it is, why men use it and it’s not something he needs to worry about for a long time.

He wanted to know why they come in different colors. I just said because it makes them more fun…then I changed the subject.  

I realize that asking you all to talk to each other during my lectures can be uncomfortable. You don't know these people particularly well, or maybe not at all. 

And I've asked you to talk about how YOU learned about sex! Ack!

With a stranger! Double ack!

Don't I know how uncomfortable it is for you to talk about sex - even with another grown-up? Aren't I aware that you are there to hear my words of wisdom not your own?

Yep. I'm aware of all that.

And guess what? If you go out on a limb, stretch your comfort level and engage in these conversations with folks who are outside of your usual circle of family and friends, you might learn a couple of things!

Like feeling uncomfortable, but pushing ahead anyway can be liberating - you can do this!

Or maybe learning you aren't alone in your discomfort with this topic - we all are to some degree - even me.

And talking about where you've been can free you up to make a new path to where you want to be.

I have you talk to each other about something personal so you can practice in a safe environment and take home a little confidence.

Feeling a little squirmy pays off - for you and your kids!  

Oh, I blew it last week! I feel bad about it - and for those who know and love me - you know am an opinionated gal, no doubt. But I really strive to reserve judgment about people's choices - and for the most part, especially professionally, I think I do a good job!

Not last Tuesday, however.

Someone asked me about circumcision - in particular how to talk to her son about why his penis is different from his circumcised dad's and how to keep things clean, etc.

I told her to be honest with her boy, tell him why his dad's penis looks different - because it's intact! And here's where I headed over the judgmental edge...I talked about how circumcision is not necessary, it's mean, pointless and unfair. I didn't quite use those words, but close enough.

Whoops!

I managed to offend a Jewish mom who chose to circumcise her son - for religous reasons. She kindly pointed out to me that I was being judgmental and not everyone circumcises "so they can look like Daddy" and other non-health or non-religious reasons.

She said she wanted her son to feel good about his body - circumcision and all - and if he hears about how wrong being circumcised is, well, he might feel bad about his body.

Ug. She's right and the last thing we need is yet another reason to feel bad about our bodies. Any of us - circumcised or not - have the right to be accepted for who we are, foreskin or no.

I still think circumcision is a bad idea, in particular if it is treated as though it is no big deal - "like clipping a fingernail."  However, it really is more important for me to respect parents' choices, even if I don't agree with them, than to get on my soap box and prove myself right.