That Masturbation Thing on Oprah
Seems like Oprah's got the whole US lit up about teenage girls and masturbation. I, for one, am happy to hear some frank talk about this really great life skill. http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow-20090326-sex-talk
When girls know how their own body works and have learned how to "take care of business" on their own, they are in a much better position to handle their own sexuality and, quite possibly, sexual relationships.
Remember, one of the goals in talking to our kids should be that they have a good understanding of how wonderful being sexual, either alone, or with a partner can be. Masturbation can be a big part of the early learning phase.
As you know, little kids will stick their hands down their pants and get busy whenever and wherever - they don't care, because it just feels good to touch their penis or vulva. Once they get older, fantasy makes the scene and kids begin to masturbate and have sexualized feelings and experiences (ideally in their minds only!).
I was a bit confused about all the masturbation shock and awe in the audience - are we still supposed to pretend girls don't do this? Is it still considered bad or unhealthy? I know the answer to these questions and you probably do too.
The big question is how do we get over ourselves to allow girls to explore their bodies without feeling ashamed or embarassed?
Girls who understand their own sexual response are less likely to rely on another person for their sexual gratification. Perhaps if they know they can do it themselves they will be less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior because it feels so good.
Amy, so glad you presented this perspective. It is shocking that the audience was shocked. When do you recommend talking to your girl about masturbation and what sorts of things do you say? Is it a middle school conversation?
Thanks,
Kelly
This is a great question. You can start pretty young, actually, by telling your daughter that sometimes people touch a special place on their vulva that feels really good. It's something they do in private, alone. Some girls and women do this, some don't. 7 or 8 years old is fine for this talk.
If you look at books that have detailed pictures, you can tell your girl that the clitoris feels good when you touch it. Tell her this is called masturbation. This might be the way to go with a girl 9 and older.
Most girls want to know that they are normal. So making sure they understand that it's normal to do this and giving them a nudge, is just fine.
I think masturbation is a life skill!