October 2009 Archives

Here is the Dictionary.com definition of sexuality. Just something to think about. What do you think it means?

sex⋅u⋅al⋅i⋅ty [seks - shoo - al- i - tee] –noun

Here's a dandy article that tackles talking to kids with Autism about sex. Here's an exerpt and the link!

Lots of regular puberty books use contemporary language - 'teen talk', if you like - and while this can be fun and amusing, it isn't always to everybody's taste, so I decided that it was more important to treat the subject with respect, and use a straightforward, factual tone (hopefully not too deadly serious, however!).

I took into consideration that most people with ASD enjoy facts and appreciate being able to apply logic, so I have always explained 'why' as well as 'what'. An example of this is when I discuss hygiene (an issue for a lot of adolescents, whether or not they have ASD!). I explain EXACTLY what causes body odour, which bits of the body are affected most specifically, the reasons why it is important to wash regularly (health as well as social reasons), and exactly HOW to wash.

I don't assume knowledge or make generalisations that can be misinterpreted. Because of the love of knowledge that most people with ASD have, I have provided plenty of facts. For example, the usual rule in sexuality education is to avoid giving young people any sort of hang-ups by giving facts and figures regarding penis size; it's standard practice to say something like 'Whatever size your penis is, is exactly right for you.'

This isn't clear enough or reassuring enough for young people on the autism spectrum, however. So I have given specific measurements of both flaccid and erect penises (of fully grown men), and plenty of other reassuring facts about penises, so that there is no room for confusion or doubt.

http://tinyurl.com/aaqmtj

I’ve been thinking and writing about privacy this last several weeks. Things like kids’ right to privacy and privacy rules in families. How much privacy to preschoolers need? Tweens? Teens? The rules seem to change as children age and, of course, from family to family.

One thing I just remembered is that we parents have a right to privacy too! Often, parents will ask me about what to say if their kid asks them “how old were you when you had sex for the first time?” The answer involves values, personal comfort level and privacy.

As a parent, you have the right to privacy about your sex life – past, present and future. You don’t have to reveal your sexual history to your children. One thing to keep in mind is that the most important thing to your child is themselves. That is to say, they are very concerned about what is right for them, what’s going to happen to them, when will it be okay for them to have sex.

They want to know about our history so they can use it as a way to make a decision about their future. It’s fine to answer honestly and tell them about it – but keep it simple – and talk about the impact of your choice, lessons learned and what you hope for them.

If you just can’t stand the thought of talking about this with your child, turn the question around to them: How old do you think someone should be when they have sex? You can talk in a general way about your hopes for your child.

Here’s a sample response: “I was completely unprepared for how complicated my feelings were, how I felt about my decision, how my partner reacted and now I wish I’d waited until I was out of High School. What I hope for you is…What do you hope for yourself?”

Remember! Just like you really don’t want to know about your parents’ sex life – your kids don’t really want to know about yours!