Results tagged “birds and the bees” from Buzz

Finally, after a year and a half or maybe even two years, I am so delighted to let all three of you know that my books are out! If you order on line, you can get 16 free gifts if you put this code  - BBK GIFTS - in the comment section of the shopping cart. This is my thanks to you for being one of the first to buy the book! www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/books.html

Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids - A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs about Sexuality, Love and Relationships

You know you need to talk to your kids about sex, but don't know where to start. This is the place. When you clarify your values and beliefs about sexuality, love and relationships, you will have the solid foundation you want and need to talk to your kids about this important part of life.

The exercises are short, easy to understand and leave you feeling confident and inspired to talk to your kids. No other book will prepare you for the "sex talk" like this one.

The Ask ANYTHING Journal - Because an honest question deserves and honest answer

This journal is just what your kids need to find out anything they want to know about life, love, bodies, relationships, sex, drugs, friendships, spirituality, death and anything in between. They write down their question, hand the journal off to you and you write a response. Fewer embarrassing face-to-face conversations about embarrassing stuff. www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/books.html

I think the tendency is for parents to stop or slow down talking to their kids about sex as they age. From the experiences of the parents I teach, it sounds like, for most of us, our parents tried out a couple of conversations, told us to ask if we had questions and that was it.

Several women in the last month or so have told me they thought their parents figured they were smart and wouldn't do anything stupid, so the conversation stopped. If it had started at all.

It makes a lot of sense to me that parents stop talking to kids about this once they hit the later teen years, 16 and on. They are clearly able to navigate the world at large, they don't seem interested in talking to us about anything, their friends are full of information, and well, really, who wants to talk about sex anyway - with anyone?

But they do want and need to hear from us. There are so many things that happen in the later teen years with friends and relationships. They need us to help them navigate the crazy world they are entering.

They are still kids, after all. There is new research showing our brains aren't fully developed until 23-25. Fully developed brains need help and that means us.

So, stick to your early habits of talking about everything - your kids will someday thank you for it!

My pal Kristen just celebrated her birthday. Her sweet husband organized a surprise pirate themed party and everything went off without a hitch! There were many Pirate-y grownups and no kids.

I spent the hour or so I was there talking about The Strangers' Hump Festival and the evils of pornography. For the uninitiated, The Hump Festival is an amateur porn film festival - the thought of which both cracks me up and grosses me out.

The two Pirates I was talking to were both unopposed to pornography and they were interested to hear my views and have a chat about it, and their idea for a Hump Festival film involving dogs, but not in a bad way.

I guess I just got to thinking about my porn stance - what do I really believe? Is it inherently evil? Does it provide something good in the world?  

I wouldn't censor it, but I don't watch it. I don't think, ultimately, it's good for anyone. It's confusing for kids to see (even teenagers - remember, their brains aren't quite finished developing) and as always, inappropriate for kids to see.

I think the one point I made that hit home, was that the porn of today, is not the porn of our youth. Playboy Magazine and the internet are two vastly different media. The vast difference being you can go from an image of a naked woman to very hard core porn in minutes.

In fact, I just went and looked at some on line. Just Google “naked women” and see what you get. Scary stuff.

I need to go wash my hands and maybe you need to figure out what you believe about porn. Go visit www.theporntalk.com they can help.

If your child is in elementary school, there is an excellent chance she will have an answer for you.

Even if you haven’t explained what sex actually is.

Those young ‘uns talk to each other, you know. And the ones that aren’t talking are listening.

And perhaps you had your own answer to this question before you were filled in about the actual-factual details. What had you heard or made up?

Let me know what you learn – I love these stories and just as soon as I get permission from the Mama who told me her story about what her son made up, I’ll fill you in.  

I’m finishing up my first draft of my Guidebook for parents and have been working on the tedious task of putting together my reference list.

Last week, I was spending time at the Kaiser Family Foundation website reading up on TV and kids. They have done several studies on media and kids and it was very interesting to learn just how TV is impacting our kids.

Get a load of this - Kaiser's Vicki Rideout said: "What we found is that, overall, when you turn on the TV today, whatever time of day it is, whatever kind of show you're watching, the odds are about 1 out of 2 that it'll be a show with some kind of sexual content, and in the most watched shows, those on prime time, about 2 out of 3 shows have sexual content.

But the thing about it is, that very few of those shows, less than 1 out of 10 in fact, include any reference to what we might call safer sex type issues, a condom on a bedside table, a character who decides to postpone having sex, or some reference to the possible risks of unprotected sex." I cut this from here: http://www.kaisernetwork.org/reports/1999/02/kr990209.3.html

That’s a lot of sex on TV! There was also a recent report that found that kids who watch unsupervised TV in any amount, have sex about one year sooner than kids who watch supervised TV. 

This isn’t all that surprising, considering those kids who watch unsupervised TV probably have a lot of unsupervised time in general. And as you may recall, unsupervised time is a great time to have sex!

So now that you know about all the sex on TV? What is your plan? Will you let your kids watch any TV, any time? Let me know. 

Remember when your babies were newborns and you had that moment of “what on earth am I doing with a BABY?! What was I thinking?! I don’t have a clue what to do with this little human!?” 

Well, NBC is filming it all – freakouts, tears, panic, joy and relief – as six teenaged couples tackle parenting with borrowed babies in the new reality TV show The Baby Borrowers. These couples are all 18 and older, so they are barely teenagers and in established relationships with their partners.

The babies – the poor babies – have been loaned by willing parents who can watch the happenings from live video feed in a neighboring house. I’m not entirely clear why anyone would loan their baby to strangers, but these folks did.

My colleagues at the National Parent Education Network are understandably very worried about these babies being cared for by strangers (don’t worry, there’s an unfamiliar “professional nanny” lurking in the back ground and the parents can come intervene at a moment’s notice). And the babies are very distressed, there is no doubt about that.

I wonder if the ends justify the means.

Most of the teens think they can handle the rigors of a baby. They are excited to try practice parenting and are looking forward to feeling closer to their partners and exploring what it might be like “someday” with their own babies.

Interestingly, some of the teens fall apart within the first 24-48 hours before the baby shows up. Once the baby makes the scene all of the couples are clearly under duress – they really don’t know what they are doing – and any cockiness has completely disappeared.

“Parenting” is clearly way more difficult than these kids had imagined and by the time the babies are put to bed – most asleep in their care givers arms – the teens have had it.

They are exhausted, punchy, crabby and stressed. I’d bet every one of them would give it up and go back to their real lives in a heartbeat.

They’ve had the babies for 12 hours.

This show is a walking, talking teachable moment. Any parent who has kids 12 and older should watch at least one episode so their kids can see what it’s like to be fully responsible for a baby.

Then, as a family, a conversation should follow about what their kids’ plans for the future hold, what their goals are and how they can make their dreams happen.

Anyone can make a baby. It takes significantly more work to be a parent.

I was wondering where he stood on sex education and now I know! He's all for kids having medically accurate, comprehensive sexuality edcuation from an early age. Ahhh...reason.

Read more here...

http://www.siecus.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Feature.showFeature&CategoryID=34&FeatureID=1149

We chose not to circumcise Milo and since the other penis at our house is circumcised, we didn't really know what to do with Milo's tinkle-waggle! Now we know, thanks to this great and helpful website for parents of boys!

http://www.babyboy.info/parents.html

"Intact? Don't retract!" Sums up their advice.

I just watched Dr. Phil and he was hosting his pal, John Chirban, PhD, who was there help parents talk to kids about my favorite topic.  He was promoting Dr. Chirban’s new book, What’s Love Got to Do with IT? Yet another book about how to talk to kids about sex.

I suspect this one may be a winner – but am concerned because, I think he doesn’t recommend talking about penetration until kids are 10 to 12.

They might be scared by the idea if they learn about it sooner, rather than later. At least this is what Dr. Phil says on his website and I’m thinking he’s probably pretty well informed by Dr. Chirban.

I think they will have already learned about or at least heard of it from their peers at this point. I’m sure I did, in fact I know I knew about it because I’ve known since age 4 or 5 and it didn’t scare me until I was faced with the actual act!

I am tempted to quiz my poor guinea pig, Milo and ask him what he thinks about penetration. He has never, ever said anything to me that makes me think he’s scared by this idea.

In fact, it’s such a small part of the whole baby making process, I’m not even sure it’s registered.

For a kid who knows about condoms (and yes, people have been teasing me about this), I should probably make sure he really “gets” the whole deal.

Or not.

Practicing what I preach                

On Friday, while heading home from REI, Milo and I were listening to the 5:20 Funny on KMTT. He really likes listening to the comedians, even if he only understands about 30% of what they talk about.

Sometimes, he has questions about the jokes, but most of the time he just listens and laughs and that’s about it.

Friday, the comedian was talking about sex, much of it bleeped out, but not the word “condom.” 

I was thinking Milo might ask what a condom is, and he did, but not until the guy mentioned they come in different colors and flavors!

“What is a condom?” came piping up over my seat.

I had to laugh.

I’ve been using telling your seven year old what a condom is as an example of something that might be a bit too much information for his age, but won’t really cause any psychological damage.

So, I told him.

And I have to tell, you, all my practice explaining to you all how to explain to your kids what a condom is paid off.

Remember, my guy knows that sometimes people have make love or have sex because it feels good to their grown up bodies.

I was calm, cool and collected. I told him what it is, why men use it and it’s not something he needs to worry about for a long time.

He wanted to know why they come in different colors. I just said because it makes them more fun…then I changed the subject.  

Oh, I blew it last week! I feel bad about it - and for those who know and love me - you know am an opinionated gal, no doubt. But I really strive to reserve judgment about people's choices - and for the most part, especially professionally, I think I do a good job!

Not last Tuesday, however.

Someone asked me about circumcision - in particular how to talk to her son about why his penis is different from his circumcised dad's and how to keep things clean, etc.

I told her to be honest with her boy, tell him why his dad's penis looks different - because it's intact! And here's where I headed over the judgmental edge...I talked about how circumcision is not necessary, it's mean, pointless and unfair. I didn't quite use those words, but close enough.

Whoops!

I managed to offend a Jewish mom who chose to circumcise her son - for religous reasons. She kindly pointed out to me that I was being judgmental and not everyone circumcises "so they can look like Daddy" and other non-health or non-religious reasons.

She said she wanted her son to feel good about his body - circumcision and all - and if he hears about how wrong being circumcised is, well, he might feel bad about his body.

Ug. She's right and the last thing we need is yet another reason to feel bad about our bodies. Any of us - circumcised or not - have the right to be accepted for who we are, foreskin or no.

I still think circumcision is a bad idea, in particular if it is treated as though it is no big deal - "like clipping a fingernail."  However, it really is more important for me to respect parents' choices, even if I don't agree with them, than to get on my soap box and prove myself right.  

New to me websites  – check them out!

www.theporntalk.com Learn how to talk to your kids about pornography.

www.scarletteen.com Site for teenagers to learn about sex and get questions answered honestly by a savvy, feminist Seattlite.

http://www.thenationalcampaign.org The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy’s great and informative website.

www.childtrends.org Learn about our children’s health.

http://www.netsmartz.org Just that – Net Smarts – find out how to keep kids safe on line.

That’s all I got - Milo’s bugging me to get up! Time for breakfast and a little Laura Ingalls Wilder.