Results tagged “sex ed” from Buzz

After teaching a workshop one day a participant came up to me with a big smile and a "lightbulb moment" look in her eye. She said to me, "Amy. It's just all about communication, isn't it?"

Ah-ha! My secret was out! It really is "all about communication." Nothing more, nothing less. Of course the topics are maybe a little more challenging than chatting about the World Cup, but the pay off is huge.

The communication, however, needs to be taking place on a variety of topics, especially  topics that can be challenging or charged. I'm talking politics, religion, clothing, TV and movies, choice of friends, etc.

We all need to be communicating with our kids about all kinds of things and doing it in a way that tells our kids we really do care about what they think and feel. The key to doing this, especially as they get older, is to adopt a peer-to-peer style of communication.

This means that rather than lecturing (which you probably don't do with your friends) and making pronouncements, you pretend like you are having a conversation with a friend, at least until you can actually do it for real.

Ask open ended questions like "What do you think about...?" Inquire about their experiences, try to remain supportive and nonjudgmental as they talk about something.

Ask yourself "Would I talk to my best friend like this?" And if the answer is "No!" then you might want to change your tone and attitude.

Give it a try - and start with something that isn't charged like sex - start with, well, just about anything else! It will take you a long way towards building great communication skills with your kids and you can guess where that will lead you - to great conversations about sex, love, and relationships.

A simple comic book style video game from Canada and the UK, created with help from 8 teens.  It asks several sex and STI (STD for you Yanks)-related questions.  Get one wrong, and the Sperminator will get you!  All questions seem to be true/false, and all answers have explanations.  Not a bad tool.

http://tinyurl.com/y8hkmg9

 

Just a little bit of what “sexualized childhood” in the extreme looks like. I almost barfed when I saw the bikini – I thought it was a bra at first.

Can you say “Pedophile’s dream?” I can.

It’s hard not to be judgmental about this, but maybe it’s okay, right?

http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/toddlers-and-tiaras/

Here is the Dictionary.com definition of sexuality. Just something to think about. What do you think it means?

1.	sexual character; possession of the structural and functional traits of sex.

sex⋅u⋅al⋅i⋅ty [seks - shoo - al- i - tee] –noun

 

2.	recognition of or emphasis upon sexual matters.

 

3.	involvement in sexual activity.

 

4.	an organism's preparedness for engaging in sexual activity.

Governor Gregoire signed into law a new Senate bill requiring state agencies to apply only for sexual health grants that fund programs which are medically accurate, effective and have shown real and calculable impact on participants.

 

The new law repeals a former state policy that required the Washington Department of Health to apply for Title V abstinence-only-until-marriage funding. Now the Department of Health can apply for funding for comprehensive sex education programs.

 

It looks like those Abstinence-Only programs are slowly but surely on their way out. After all, our own government determined they have NO impact on kids’ sexual decision making, so it doesn’t really make sense to throw money at something that doesn’t really work, now does it?

Seems like Oprah's got the whole US lit up about teenage girls and masturbation. I, for one, am happy to hear some frank talk about this really great life skill.  http://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow-20090326-sex-talk

When girls know how their own body works and have learned how to "take care of business" on their own, they are in a much better position to handle their own sexuality and, quite possibly, sexual relationships.

Remember, one of the goals in talking to our kids should be that they have a good understanding of how wonderful being sexual, either alone, or with a partner can be. Masturbation can be a big part of the early learning phase.

As you know, little kids will stick their hands down their pants and get busy whenever and wherever - they don't care, because it just feels good to touch their penis or vulva. Once they get older, fantasy makes the scene and kids begin to masturbate and have sexualized feelings and experiences (ideally in their minds only!).

I was a bit confused about all the masturbation shock and awe in the audience - are we still supposed to pretend girls don't do this? Is it still considered bad or unhealthy? I know the answer to these questions and you probably do too.

The big question is how do we get over ourselves to allow girls to explore their bodies without feeling ashamed or embarassed?

Girls who understand their own sexual response are less likely to rely on another person for their sexual gratification. Perhaps if they know they can do it themselves they will be less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior because it feels so good.  

Have you noticed how everything is sexy these days? The iPhone, those teenage girls, Bratz dolls, my new boots and, perversely, the eight year old on the playground in her tiny miniskirt and boots.

Sexy is everywhere and it’s one of those things your kids should know about – what it means, that is.

“Sexy” has to do with sexual attraction – making yourself look good in a way that will attract a sexual partner. For me, this is the core of the concept.

Is this something you want your kids trying on? Being “sexy”? Are they ready to attract sexual partners? What kinds of clothing are they wearing? Does your eight year old girl look like a teenager?

What do you think our boys are thinking about these sexy little girls they are faced with everyday? Probably nothing, if they aren’t bumping up against puberty, but what if they are? Do you want that cute 5th grade boy thinking naughty thoughts about your sweet little girl? I didn’t think so.

This is a cultural problem, inappropriate sexiness and it’s hard to avoid. Perhaps if we talk to our kids about what this is, what it means and what our values are around it, our kids will make different decisions about what clothes the “love” or TV shows they insist on watching.

Maybe not.

I sure do! It was passed around from girlfriend to girlfriend when I was in Junior High. To refresh your memory, this is the story of a teenaged couple and their mutual deflowering.

As it turns out, this was a groundbreaking book. For the first time, a “first time” was thoughtfully portrayed in adolescent literature. Katherine and Michael are in love and ready for sex.

What sets this book apart is how Katherine thoughtfully approaches her first time, confiding in her mother, getting birth control and making love in a safe place. Michael does not pressure her into her decision, they decide together.

It provides an example of how to have a great first experience and clearly includes all the things I think make up a great first time.

Here’s the link to Amazon – pick up a copy for your favorite teen. But read it again yourself before you pass it along.  http://tinyurl.com/foreverjb