Results tagged “sexuality” from Buzz

After teaching a workshop one day a participant came up to me with a big smile and a "lightbulb moment" look in her eye. She said to me, "Amy. It's just all about communication, isn't it?"

Ah-ha! My secret was out! It really is "all about communication." Nothing more, nothing less. Of course the topics are maybe a little more challenging than chatting about the World Cup, but the pay off is huge.

The communication, however, needs to be taking place on a variety of topics, especially  topics that can be challenging or charged. I'm talking politics, religion, clothing, TV and movies, choice of friends, etc.

We all need to be communicating with our kids about all kinds of things and doing it in a way that tells our kids we really do care about what they think and feel. The key to doing this, especially as they get older, is to adopt a peer-to-peer style of communication.

This means that rather than lecturing (which you probably don't do with your friends) and making pronouncements, you pretend like you are having a conversation with a friend, at least until you can actually do it for real.

Ask open ended questions like "What do you think about...?" Inquire about their experiences, try to remain supportive and nonjudgmental as they talk about something.

Ask yourself "Would I talk to my best friend like this?" And if the answer is "No!" then you might want to change your tone and attitude.

Give it a try - and start with something that isn't charged like sex - start with, well, just about anything else! It will take you a long way towards building great communication skills with your kids and you can guess where that will lead you - to great conversations about sex, love, and relationships.

Of course it took Harvard to figure this out, but it seems, from a small sample of racially and ethnically diverse parents and kids, that parents are missing the boat when it comes to timing their sex talks with kids. This study is unique in that rather than being a retrospective account of when parents talked to kids, it was concurrent.

The researchers surveyed parents about the timing of dicsussion of different sex related topics with the stage of sexual activity they thought their kids had experienced.The kids did the same thing - except they reported the sexual activity they had engaged in at the time of the conversation.

Guess what? Time and again, the parents underestimated the level of sexual activity their kids had engaged in. For example, a parent talked to their child about wet dreams and said they thought their child had been kissed. The child reported they had experienced genital touching. Whoops!

Bottom line. Start talking about everything before they're sexually active. It will serve them well.

Check out the charts!  http://tinyurl.com/ydnkf95

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just a little bit of what “sexualized childhood” in the extreme looks like. I almost barfed when I saw the bikini – I thought it was a bra at first.

Can you say “Pedophile’s dream?” I can.

It’s hard not to be judgmental about this, but maybe it’s okay, right?

http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/toddlers-and-tiaras/

Here is the Dictionary.com definition of sexuality. Just something to think about. What do you think it means?

1.	sexual character; possession of the structural and functional traits of sex.

sex⋅u⋅al⋅i⋅ty [seks - shoo - al- i - tee] –noun

 

2.	recognition of or emphasis upon sexual matters.

 

3.	involvement in sexual activity.

 

4.	an organism's preparedness for engaging in sexual activity.

Finally, after a year and a half or maybe even two years, I am so delighted to let all three of you know that my books are out! If you order on line, you can get 16 free gifts if you put this code  - BBK GIFTS - in the comment section of the shopping cart. This is my thanks to you for being one of the first to buy the book! www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/books.html

Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids - A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs about Sexuality, Love and Relationships

You know you need to talk to your kids about sex, but don't know where to start. This is the place. When you clarify your values and beliefs about sexuality, love and relationships, you will have the solid foundation you want and need to talk to your kids about this important part of life.

The exercises are short, easy to understand and leave you feeling confident and inspired to talk to your kids. No other book will prepare you for the "sex talk" like this one.

The Ask ANYTHING Journal - Because an honest question deserves and honest answer

This journal is just what your kids need to find out anything they want to know about life, love, bodies, relationships, sex, drugs, friendships, spirituality, death and anything in between. They write down their question, hand the journal off to you and you write a response. Fewer embarrassing face-to-face conversations about embarrassing stuff. www.birdsandbeesandkids.com/books.html

 

Have you noticed how everything is sexy these days? The iPhone, those teenage girls, Bratz dolls, my new boots and, perversely, the eight year old on the playground in her tiny miniskirt and boots.

Sexy is everywhere and it’s one of those things your kids should know about – what it means, that is.

“Sexy” has to do with sexual attraction – making yourself look good in a way that will attract a sexual partner. For me, this is the core of the concept.

Is this something you want your kids trying on? Being “sexy”? Are they ready to attract sexual partners? What kinds of clothing are they wearing? Does your eight year old girl look like a teenager?

What do you think our boys are thinking about these sexy little girls they are faced with everyday? Probably nothing, if they aren’t bumping up against puberty, but what if they are? Do you want that cute 5th grade boy thinking naughty thoughts about your sweet little girl? I didn’t think so.

This is a cultural problem, inappropriate sexiness and it’s hard to avoid. Perhaps if we talk to our kids about what this is, what it means and what our values are around it, our kids will make different decisions about what clothes the “love” or TV shows they insist on watching.

Maybe not.

Researchers were beginning to see some leveling off of the drop in teen birth rates a couple of years ago and now we have the numbers from the Centers for Disease Control and they aren’t pretty.

Birth rates for teens aged 15 to 19 rose by 3.5 percent in 2006. This is the largest growth in US teen birth rates in almost 20 years.

What happened? Well, it could be that our government spent $176 million dollars on abstinence only programs that have little positive long term impact on teen sexual behavior. Or maybe seeing stars like Brittany Spears and her sister have babies at very young ages makes teens think being pregnant and having a baby is easy and fun.

Or maybe because they didn’t watch this amazing video at The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned pregnancy – Too Young

Time for me to get to work!