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How old should my child be when I start talking to her about sex education?
The conversation should be started by age 5. This seems young to some people, but the reasons for starting the conversations with the scientific facts about sex and sexuality are compelling. At this age, children usually will be entering a school system with many older children, who oftentimes think they have ALL the information and are willing to share. Kids need to get correct sexual health information from their parents. Young children are a blank slate - they usually haven't learned to be embarrassed about sex and reproduction and this makes it easier for you to talk to them. Our primary job as parents is keeping our kids healthy and safe. If your child doesn't know that sex is something for adults only, and they are touched inappropriately, they won't know that it's not okay. The sooner you start and continue talking about sex, love and relationships, the more likely your children will be willing to come to you when they are preparing to become sexually active. It will be easier for you to answer their questions openly and honestly with years of experience under your belt.

How much should I tell my young child?
Children who are under the age of seven or so, should know all about the facts of reproduction - sperm, eggs, menstruation, anatomy (including the fact the man's penis enters the woman's vagina) - and about childbirth. I call this the science of sex. They also need simple messages about your values about sex, love and relationships.

How often should I discuss issues of reproduction and sexuality with my child?
Regularly throughout their childhood and adolescence. It should be a normal part of your family culture to discuss sex, love and relationships. Most experts agree that the more open and consistent the conversations, the more likely kids are to use birth control and condoms when they choose to become sexually active.

My kid just rolls his eyes when I try to talk to him about sex. How do I get him to stop?
You probably can't! Pick your times to talk wisely, and look for teachable moments (TV shows, conversations about dating, etc.). Talk to your kids in the car. I suggest having a "Say Anything" zone in your car so kids will feel free to talk to you about anything they want. No matter what keep talking - according to the National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy, parents are the most influential when it comes to kids making decisions about sex.

My 5 year old daughter and her pals have been playing "doctor" lately. Is she normal?
Most likely, she is! Kids are curious about everything, including their (and their friends') bodies. This body exploration play should be spontaneous, good humored and mutual. Any kind of adult-like sexual play or talk, coercion, screening off, or anything that smacks of adult sexuality, or anything that makes you very uncomfortable could be cause for concern. Contact your pediatrician for support, if need be, and take time to learn about normal child sexual development. www.StopItNow.org.

My child has his hands down his pants all the time! What should I do?
Children learn early on that it feels good to touch their privates and this is why they do it! Usually by age six or so, they have learned that it's okay to touch their genitals, but only in private. Calmly remind your child of this and usually he will stop his public displays of affection. If your child is showing any signs of anxiety, or is losing interest in other activities or play, or this becomes central to his daily activities, a chat with his doctor may be in order.

I am terrified that my child will walk in on us while we are making love. What should we do if this happens?
I would institute a "knock before entering" policy for all closed bedroom doors - her's and your own - as a bit of prevention. Then I would suggest that you and your partner script what you are going to say if you do get caught. Have a plan for who will do the talking and what exactly they will say and then practice! You could say something like, "Just a minute sweetie, you interrupted Mom and Dad in a private moment. Sometimes parents make love, or have sex; because it is a special way that adults show they love each other. It's also private, and that's why we ask that you knock before coming in our room if the door is closed. Do you have any questions?"

I think my 15 year old daughter is sexually active! What should I do - I don't think people should have sex until they are married.
It's highly likely that your child knows your values concerning pre-marital sex and you need to tread lightly if you want to maintain a connection with your daughter. You probably can't stop her from being sexually active, but you need to know if she is using birth control and condoms, and if she knows about STDs and HIV. Practice what you want to say with another adult before you confront your child. Calmly talk to her about what is going on and put yourself in the role of coach and guide rather than a stressed out and angry parent. Teens like and need to make their own decisions with guidance from their parents. Her health may be at risk, and it's your job to ensure that she is protecting herself, even if that means you take her to a clinic yourself. Even if you don't agree with her decision, you can make sure she is taking care of herself and not at risk for pregnancy or HIV and STDs, and that she understands the risks and responsibilities of being sexually active. Planned Parenthood, National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Abstinence only before marriage education is the best way to keep kids from having sex, right?
Wrong! Our children will eventually have sex, whether or not we think they are ready for it. The most we can hope for is that they delay sexual debut (the first time they have sex) and when they do have sex, they use condoms and birth control. What seems to work the best is a message of abstinence combined with facts and information about birth control, STDs/HIV, love, relationships and the real life responsibilities and ramifications of a sexual relationship. Remember - providing information is not the same as giving permission. Advocates for Youth

What books do you recommend?
Recommended for ages 3 to 8
How Babies are Made Andrew C. Andry and Steven Schepp
What's the Big Secret? Laurie Krasny Brown, Ed.D. and Mark Brown
Where Did I Come From? Peter Mayle
What's Happening to Me? Peter Mayle
It's So Amazing! A book about eggs, sperm, birth, babies and families Robbie Harris
Your Body Belongs to You Cornelia Spelman and Teri Weidner

Recommended for ages 8 and older
It's Perfectly Normal! Changing bodies, growing up, sex and sexual health Robbie Harris
The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library) Valerie Schaefer
The "What's Happening to My Body?" Book for Girls Lynda Madaras with Area Madaras
What's Going on Down There? Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask Karen Gravelle with Nick and Chava Castro
Changing Bodies - Changing Lives Ruth Bell and others

For parents
Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask): The Secrets To Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development From Birth To The Teens Justin Richardson and Mark Schuster
Beyond the Birds and the Bees: Fostering Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development In Today's World Beverly Engel
Sex And Sensibility: The Thinking Parent's Guide To Talking Sense About Sex Deborah Roffman
Protecting the Gift, Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) Gavin De Becker
Smut: A Sex-Industry Insider (and Concerned Father) Says Enough is Enough Gil Reavill